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NewsMonday, October 22, 2007 9:42 AM CDT
Society views male and female abuse victims differently
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A 17-year-old girl in upstate New York is forced into sex by a male teacher. Instead of sympathy, the student gets harassed for causing trouble for a popular teacher, threatened and pushed around by other girls. Just six weeks before graduation, she quits school.

A 17-year-old boy in Colorado is seduced by his attractive female teacher. A neighbor tells the teen’s mom it was a sexual conquest like “climbing Mt. Everest.” He has to hide from the crush of media attention.

They are crimes and abuses, but often they’re treated as entertainment. Girls are pressed into the role of seducer or naive victim. Boys are seen as studs.

Sexual misconduct by teachers is remarkably common in American schools, an Associated Press investigation found. But how Americans react to it is deeply split depending on the victim’s gender.

“Hollywood, they think it’s such a hot thing when a guy gets laid at a young age. I tell you, it’s not a hot thing,” said Jeff Pickthorn, who speaks from experience. He was 12 when he began having sex with his seventh-grade teacher, who was 24. “They say that guy’s lucky. I say, no, he’s not lucky at all.”

At the time, Pickthorn might have agreed with them. For several months, he had sex with his teacher until his parents found out and the teacher was pressured to resign. It left him “with no boundaries,” he says now at 54, his life marred by affairs, gambling, and ruined marriages.

The AP’s survey of five years of state disciplinary actions against teachers found 2,570 educators were punished for sexual misconduct.

In the cases where the victim’s gender was clear, the large proportion were female. Almost nine out of 10 of the offenders were male.

But the boys who are drawn into sexual relationships with their female teachers get an overwhelming amount of attention, especially when the woman is attractive. They’re the subject of heavy news coverage, jokes from late-night TV comics, Web sites with photos, videos and more.

What’s more likely to be described as rape or sexual abuse when the victim is female turns into a “tryst” or a “sexual liaison” when the perpetrator is female and the victim is male.

“Prosecutors try hard not to treat these cases differently and not to apply any kind of double standard. But there are some very real double-standards in society that affect how these cases will be accepted by jurors and judges,” said Michael Sinacore, an assistant state attorney in Tampa, Fla.

He prosecuted Debra Lafave, a former Florida middle school teacher who admitted to having sex with a 14-year-old male student. Public attention paid to the 25-year-old blond newlywed quickly went “off the charts,” Sinacore said, after photos surfaced on the Internet of her on a motorcycle in a bikini.

“There’s something wrong with making a celebrity out of someone accused of a sex crime,” he said.

Ultimately, the victim’s family sought to avoid a trial because of all the media attention. LaFave pleaded guilty to lewd and lascivious battery and got house arrest and probation.

The earlier case of Mary Kay Letourneau mesmerized tabloids and television. A married mother of four, she had two children by a student. She went to prison but later married the student, by then 21, after she got out.

Colorado high school teacher Carrie McCandless got 45 days behind bars for unlawful sexual contact with a 17-year-old male student. Not knowing the victim was her son, a friend remarked to the teen’s mother that having sex with McCandless would be like “climbing Mt. Everest” for any boy.

In contrast, the case of teacher Kevin Poppleton in upstate New York got almost no media attention. His 17-year-old victim, identified as Amanda C. in state records, said Poppleton threatened to kill her if she talked and “other girls would scream and yell at her and push her around the locker room.” His license was revoked.

Students are traumatized by abuse cases, communities shaken. Yet the public imagination seizes on the idea.

Look at the way pop culture presents teacher-student sex with a wink and a nod: the 1984 Van Halen song “Hot for Teacher”; the 1998 trash-noir movie “Wild Things” about a male high school teacher with two manipulative female students; this year’s hit cable TV show “Entourage,” in which one of the male characters brags about having sex with a high school teacher.

The roots run deep, at least to the medieval tale of Abelard and Heloise, a scholar who fathers a child with his beloved student.

Approving attitudes can even be found in the courts.

“It’s just something between two people that clicked beyond the teacher-student relationship,” a New Jersey judge said as he dismissed prison time for a teacher who admitted having sex with a 13-year-old student. “I really don’t see the harm that was done and certainly society doesn’t need to be worried.”

Judge Bruce A. Gaeta was later reprimanded, but at least one academic report found that his view is common.

A 2004 University of Buffalo study gauged perceptions of teacher-student sex. It found that a female teacher with a male student was most often seen as a “normal part of growing up” and respondents were less likely to conclude that the teacher should lose her license. But male respondents, in marked contrast from women, were more likely to see positive aspects in these relationships and less likely to see long-term damage.

Psychologists who treat boys say they suffer doubly — from the abuse itself, and from the view that they were lucky.

“A boy is likely, with a female teacher, to claim that it wasn’t a problem, it wasn’t molestation, it wasn’t abuse, he wasn’t hurt by it,” said Richard Gartner, a New York psychologist and author of “Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse.” Recognition of the damage doesn’t usually occur until the man is in his 30s, 40s or later, he said.

That damage varies widely, depending on the victim’s age, the abuse itself, the sexual orientation of the boy and of the abuser, Gartner said. Victims often report addictive behavior and compulsive disorders, from gambling to sex to substance abuse, he said.

Boy or girl, victims often end up with relationships framed in terms of power and control, not affection.

But boys’ pain is overlooked. “In our society, we’re socialized to think that men aren’t victims, that that’s the province of women,” Gartner said. “To say that you are a victim and particularly a sexual victim, for many boys and men, is to say that you’re not entirely a man.”

AP National Writer Martha Irvine contributed to this report.

Take a look
Former middle school teacher Debra Lafave, center, leaves the Hillsborough County Courthouse in this Nov. 22, 2005 file photo with her attorney John Fitzgibbons, right, after pleading guilty to having sex with a 14-year-old student. Lafave 25, avoided prison time with a plea deal. (AP Photo/Chris O'Meara/FILE)
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Reader comments on this story - 25 total

Note: All views and opinions expressed in reader comments are solely those of the individual submitting the comment, and not those of the Pantagraph or its staff.

GQ wrote on Oct 22, 2007 6:39 PM:

" Cougars make me sick. "

Just Wondering wrote on Oct 22, 2007 4:17 PM:

" TO the person who wrote me on Oct 22 at 11 47 AM Oh really, a 17 year old is in her majority? I wonder then why my son got a 5 year sentence in prison. The judge must have made a mistake. I'll let him know this information. "

RE: "Doublestandard wrote on Oct 22, 2007 12:08 PM:" wrote on Oct 22, 2007 1:31 PM:

" An adult teacher is supposed to be equipped with the tools to not react to supposed "flirtatious advances" of a child. Hence the two terms: ADULT and CHILD. If you are a teacher and if you yourself are facing yhe challenege of trying to know what is correct behavior and response on your part when and if this ever occurs- I highly urge you to seek work in another field. I have children in the school system and I don't want them being led by someone who might end up on the stand at trial one day using the defense "well, your honor- the little girl's dress was mighty short and she looked at me in a flirtatious manner." "

Several posts at this thread wrote on Oct 22, 2007 1:25 PM:

" ...perfectly illustrate the point of the article. The backwards double-standard definitely exists. And the posts here show two things: 1.) the extent to which the very wide-spread double-standard exists and 2.) the extent of the numbers potential criminal offenders that are out there among us. Females are viewed as victims who've been molested, males are viewed as fun-seekers who went looking for this. And one idiot here eludes to the idea that if the boy had an erection during his attack that he cannot thereby be considered a victim. Well, I've got news for you backwards buddy, many grown adult men who are raped by other men are stimulated to erection too- but that doesn't make them any less a victim of a criminal act. People like you have no clue- most remain back in the dark ages with anything related to criminal sexual matters- and even those strictly sexual, period. Their ignorance is pitiful. "

n wrote on Oct 22, 2007 1:16 PM:

" awsome wish that would happend here "

Doublestandard wrote on Oct 22, 2007 12:08 PM:

" There are many times teachers receive unwanted attention from students aswell. Many districts will not punish the students, and teachers are forced to either quit, or endure the sexual harassment of 15-19 year old children. Something needs to be done on both sides of the story. It's not only the children who are harassed. Thank goodness most teachers do not respond and engage in this type of behavior. "

Milorad wrote on Oct 22, 2007 11:47 AM:

" These boys are traumatized!? "

To Just Wondering wrote on Oct 22, 2007 11:47 AM:

" Not in this state....better check the laws again. "

Julie wrote on Oct 22, 2007 11:34 AM:

" is just a troll. Don't take *her* too seriously, folks. "

TO BRUCE wrote on Oct 22, 2007 9:52 AM:

" It is very unfortunate what happened to your frien. I have had someone close to me go through a situation very simular to that and it is not something that you can recover from EVER. It is sad that girls like that "cry wolf" because it is the real victims that honestly need that help that suffer and no one takes them seriously! "

TO JULIE wrote on Oct 22, 2007 9:50 AM:

" The fact that you date much younger men like that means that you are someone who is very immature for your age and cannot get a man of the same age to tolerate your immaturity. The BOYS that you are dating aren't in it for a relationship because it is a game and if I was your daughter I would be embarrased because everyone is laughing at how sad it is. "

I hope~ wrote on Oct 22, 2007 7:15 AM:

" She gets her GED right away, and is able to get counseling and a new (whatever that may be) start in life. I wish you well. "

Julie wrote on Oct 22, 2007 3:47 AM:

" is 40 and still considers herself a "girl" this in itsself is strange "

Hill Climber wrote on Oct 22, 2007 3:34 AM:

" There is nothing more criminal in the USA these days than to be an adolescent white male. Women abusers always get away with acts that would send away a male charged with the same offense for much longer. It will only be even more gender biased after Hillary is elected. "

OK Julie~~ wrote on Oct 22, 2007 1:02 AM:

" I like how you are claiming she is happy and well adjusted. By whose definition of claims says she is well adjusted and happy? If it's only yours, well lets not be to hasty unless you have doctorates hanging on your wall claiming you have the knowledge and afore thought to make that claim. By whose claims make you happy and well adjusted? It appears you have passed your abilities on down to your child and for that I feel sorry for her. Sounds like issues for someone with more abilities than you have. Evidently you don't appear attractive to men your own age, just young boys and they don't count, they are just looking for adventure and an old women like you is their to give it. Sad! "

to Anatomy Expert wrote on Oct 22, 2007 12:52 AM:

" If you really are a male, and if your equipment has always worked correctly, then you would know that teen boys get aroused easily, often, and many times when they don't want to, even in situations that aren't the least bit sexual due to sensitivity to touch, either wanted or unwanted. That's how puberty works, if you've ever experienced it. "

Bruce wrote on Oct 21, 2007 10:42 PM:

" I have a teacher friend that was accused falsely by a female student he was flunking of unwanted sexual advances and sexual assualt. It cost him his job , his reputation, his wife and children were humiliated at school and work. He fought in court with the school board and district where he was finally exonerated. The girl admitted in open court that she lied and just wanted to get back at him because of the failing grade. The damage was done and this man and his family suffered greatly. The girl was fined 250 dollars for fileing a false police report. Since the girl was a minor he was forced to file against the parents in civil court. They filed bankruptcy and he got nothing. Sometimes the student is not the victim. "

Julie has.... wrote on Oct 21, 2007 10:31 PM:

" bragged about this on some other story. She has issues if at 40 she thinks it's ok to date teenagers. What's wrong with you? Can't get men your own age, have to seduce teenage boys? What can a BOY do for you? Do these boys take you out on dates? Do they pay? You're nothing but a sugar momma to them. You must not have any respect for yourself to be going out with boys. Do you sit and have coffee with them (their mom's) afterwards since you are their ages? "

Just Wondering wrote on Oct 21, 2007 8:42 PM:

" TO Julie who wrote on Oct 21, at 6 46 PM. Do you realize if your 17 year old daughter has sex with her boyfriend, it could land him in prison for having sex, even consensual, with a minor? I hope you are not bragging about this. "

Anatomy Expert wrote on Oct 21, 2007 7:51 PM:

" Of course it is different, merely by virtue of the different roles males and females play in sexual activity. I don't care what anyone says, I'm a man and I know from experience that a male cannot perform sexually if he doesn't want to. A girl can be "forced" to have sex, a boy cannot. (at least when the other party is a female) If the other party is also male, well that's a whole new ballgame. "

ROFLMAO@Julie wrote on Oct 21, 2007 7:44 PM:

" There is nothing attractive about a 40 yr old chasing teeny-boppers. I'm not sure you understand what it means to be "well-adjusted". "

Julie wrote on Oct 21, 2007 6:46 PM:

" I am a 40 yo attractive blond girl that dates only young black men. I have dated more than one 18yo and they don't seem traumatized in the least. M 17 yo daughter who is a spitting image of me, has the same taste in men that I do. She is currently dating a very nice 19yo boy. She is very happy and well adjusted. "

Big Man wrote on Oct 21, 2007 6:41 PM:

" Teen age girls are just like boys. They want the sexual relationship with the older man just as a teenage boy wants the relationship with and woman. "

Stats wrote on Oct 21, 2007 6:28 PM:

" Wow, 2570 incidents out of 3 million teachers... .085% of teachers ... I'm scared. I think I'm going to homeschool now. Oh, but I'll still go to church..... how many kids got molested by church-affiliated people last year? "

Simplistic Charge wrote on Oct 21, 2007 3:30 PM:

" Boys ARE more prone to want and to seek out sexual adventures. This is not news. IS there sexism involved? YES. Is there homophobia involved? Yes. Boys who "get abused" by females suffer twice? Well, as the story indicates, much of that comes out of the actions and reactions of others. Boys who get "abused" by a male may well suffer ten times, and most of that suffering will come from everyone BUT the "abuser". The fact of the matter is that each and every case is different. Everyone involved in every case is an individual. And the bulk of what the media reports about the issue means nothing. Nothing will change at all, until we, as a society, make a real effort to understand the real scope and nature of the issue. "

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