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Mr. Warmth discusses life and times without insults

By Dan Craft
dcraft@pantagraph.com

For those who've lived under the Emperor of Insult's reign, there can't help but be a slight shiver of trepidation in actually meeting His Highness himself.

Even at the safe distance of a phone receiver far removed from his.

An insult is an insult, whether spit in your face from 2 feet away -- or zapped into your ear canal via AT&T.

And a "hockey puck!" is a "hockey puck!," whether it comes spinning out of his mouth as stares into your eyes like a coiled cobra -- or whether it's just the net result of some electrical impulses reconstructed 800 miles from the source.

When flying puck meets tender sensibility, somebody's gonna get hurt.

It seems appropriate, then, that the Emperor -- Don Rickles -- will be making his first-ever Twin Cities appearance commandeering a venue that also pulls double duty as a pro hockey rink (Bloomington's U.S. Cellular Coliseum, 7:30 p.m. Sept. 28, tickets still available).

At least when he dispenses his signature putdown, it'll somehow make even more sense than usual.

And if some PrairieThunder players showed up on stage, in full slap-shot regalia, no one would probably think it overly out of place. (To any team members reading this: hint-hint.)

Still, as the longtime Rickles fan punches in the phone number, he can't help but wonder if it will punch back.

As in, "Wrong prefix, you dummy!"

In the back of the caller's mind lurks the knowledge that, yes, this is the man who was fearless enough to zing the Chairman of the Board ("make yourself at home, Frank; hit somebody!"), and live to tell jokes about it ... better yet, to win Mr. S. over as his No. 1 supporter back in the Rat Pack heyday of the '60s.

Meanwhile, time stands still.

One ringy-dingy. Two ringy-dingy...

Click.

A pleasant woman's voice answers.

The caller asks for Don.

"Don? The phooone!"

Then:

A smooth, satiny, surprisingly deep voice offers "Hello?"

Sorry, wrong number? This can't be the "you dummy!" guy we've come to know and love/hate ...

Then the voice follows up with:

"This is Don ..."

Knotts? No, dead. Adams? No, the same. Johnson? No, not funny.

The shocker is that this is, in fact, Emperor Rickles himself.

And he not only sounds around three decades younger than his 81 years, but he also comes off as almost courtly.

Gentlemanly, even. Old school, in fact.

Every time the caller compliments him on something -- from the puckish cover photo on his current autobiography, "Rickles' Book," to his performance as gym guru Jack Fanny in the 1964 drive-in classic, "Muscle Beach Party" -- he seems genuinely grateful.

"Why, thank you. Thank you, very much!"

With no "... you dummy!" attached.

OK, OK: Most of us have probably long suspected that deep down inside, Rickles' Merchant of Venom act is just that ... an act.

No one who's a true-blue jerk could be the best friend of a genuinely nice guy like Bob Newhart (who, for the record, has preceded Rickles to the Twin Cities with several appearances over the past 15-odd years and never failed to pat Don on the back in interviews).

As the conversation continues, it all comes out: Mr. Warmth is just a regular, stay-at-home-if-he-can Joe.

Hand him the newspaper. Turn on the TV. Get him in bed at a reasonable hour.

"I have a lovely wife of 42 years who provides a great grounding for me," he says when asked what happens when the Emperor descends from his throne. "I really do have a very normal life."

His wife, by the way, is Barbara Rickles, who has been the Empress to his Emperor for more than four decades, which makes them one of the longer-reigning unions in entertainment annals.

"I'm the person who's happy going out with friends to dinner," he continues. "I don't play golf anymore" -- his age finally asserts itself -- "but I keep healthy and I exercise. It helps that I've had no tough breaks with my personal life."

Interestingly, the most famous insult artist of the past half-century says all he really wanted to be when he set out on his journey was a serious actor.

"I would have loved to have been on Broadway," he rues of his years fresh out of the U.S. Navy following World War II, when the native New Yorker (born in Queens) studied hard to be a serious stage actor.

"I was young then, and I just didn't have enough experience to cut it," he says, "even though some of my best friends were in my class, too, including people like Tom Poston and Jason Robards and Anne Bancroft and Grace Kelly ..."

So the young Don turned to Plan B, which was standup comedy, even though he admits that he could never really tell a good joke or do impressions. But he was great with hecklers, and his defense measures soon became his meal ticket.

"I've always been very honest in my shows," he says. "I throw my best punch every time and I never hesitate long enough to let myself get knocked out."

After throwing one of those punches at none other than Frank Sinatra, the Chairman of the Board took it with a laugh and began singing his praises. That support helped him become one of the most popular headliners in Vegas by the mid-1960s.

"That was back when the wiseguys ran Las Vegas," he says of Sin City's mob-indebted origins (which made Rickles' casting in Martin Scorsese's "Casino" 12 years ago all the more apt). "But the wiseguys were great ... and then the corporations moved in afterward ... and now it's a giant Disneyland for families."

Whatever the era, Rickles says he's loved his stake in the city's history, and waxes enthusiastic about his impending October stand at the Golden Nugget.

More important than Vegas to Rickles' career was the day in 1965 when "Tonight Show" host Johnny Carson came calling: It was the beginning of a beautiful, if somewhat raucous, relationship that extended over more than 100 "Tonight Show" appearances, including that most sacred of "Tonight Show" gigs -- filling in for Johnny as guest host.

In fact, it was Rickles and best buddy Newhart who turned up on the Jay Leno-era "Tonight Show" to eulogize Carson in the first show aired following his January 2005 death.

"It wasn't easy," he admits. "But Johnny was an outstanding man, and every time I was on the show it was an event."

Rickles also has enjoyed success in the movies, ranging from cult fare like the aforementioned "Beach Party" series (four films) to scene-stealing turns in A-list fare like Clint Eastwood's "Kelly's Heroes" ("I think that was my best part," he notes).

For the current generation of moviegoers, he's best known as the voice of "Mr. Potato Head" in the "Toy Story" franchise.

But the best may be yet to come, and in just a few weeks: The world premiere of director John ("Blues Brothers") Landis' feature-length documentary salute to Rickles' life and times, "Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project."

The film will be unveiled several nights after his U.S. Cellular Coliseum show at the New York Film Festival, then moves to HBO for multiple showings in December.

"Mr. Warmth" sounds genuinely heart-warmed by all the attention.

"There was a great review in the New York Times," he enthuses. "And I just got the news today that the show has sold out, and that they're adding another one," he says.

What's more, "I'm learning I've got so many more friends that I ever realized I had."

Then, without missing a beat, he adds: "I'm also learning that it's nice to be 81 and not sitting in a home somewhere going 'nnnnnn-nnnn' and spitting up my breakfast over my cup of coffee."

Ahhh. Now THAT'S the Mr. Warmth we know and love and occasionally fear.

At a glance

What: Don Rickles, with opening act Spanky McFarlane

When: 7:30 p.m. Sept. 28

Where: U.S. Cellular Coliseum, 101 S. Madison St., Bloomington

Tickets: $25 to $45 (dinner/show package available for $25 extra)

Box office number: (866) 891-9992

Rickles raff

• Birth date: May 8, 1926, Queens, NYC

• Real name: Don Rickles! Really! (OK, Donald Jay Rickles)

• Nicknames: Mr. Warmth, The Merchant of Venom

• His names for us: Hockey puck! Dummy!

• Kids' names for him: Mr. Potato Head (per his "Toy Story" gigs)

• Longest-running engagement: Wife Barbara, whom he wed more than 40 years ago

• Best bud: Bob Newhart

• Original goal: To be a serious theater actor

• Back-up goal: Stand-up comedy, after his acting aspirations stalled

• Early supporter: Frank Sinatra, who was insulted by DR ("Make yourself at home, Frank; hit somebody!") and loved it

• Original goal redux: Did eventually land serious acting gigs, first opposite Clark Gable and Burt Lancaster in 1958's "Run Silent, Run Deep"

• Life-changer: First appearance on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson," circa 1965, followed by 100-plus stints on the couch or behind desk (as guest host)

• Venomous vinyl: "Hello Dummy!" (1968), "Don Rickles Speaks!" (1969)

• Sarcastic celluloid: "The Rat Race" (1960), "Man with the X-Ray Eyes" (1963), "Bikini Beach" (1964), "Kelly's Heroes" (1970), "Innocent Blood" (1992), "Casino" (1995), "Toy Story (1995), "Toy Story 2" (1999), "Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project" (2207)

• Taunting TV: "The Don Rickles Show" (1972), "C.P.O. Sharkey" (1976-78), "Foul-Ups, Bleeps & Blunders" (1984-85), "Daddy Dearest" (1993)

• Prickly print: Autobiography, "Rickles' Book" (2007)

• Sample insult: "Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?"

A look at the remaining classic jokers

By Dan Craft | dcraft@pantagraph.com

Don Rickles, who turned 81 earlier this year, has entered the select ranks of octogenarian stand-up comedians who are still working regularly. Does that make him the last classic stand-up comedian standing?

Following is a list of still-living comedians who have some sort of stand-up past (as opposed to having just been a comic actor in movies or on TV, a la, say, Dick Van Dyke, 82).

The ancients

• Phyllis Diller, who turned 90 in July: health woes have ended her stand-up days, though she still turns up on TV and in print, and was part of the recent ribald film "The Aristocrats"

• Sid Caesar, 85: Caesar's stand-up days ended decades ago; his most recent high-profile gig was 10 years ago in the movie "Vegas Vacation"

• Carl Reiner, 85: Still going strong via his roles in "Ocean's 11," "12" and, this summer, "13"

• Rose Marie, 84: A child star in the '30s, a nightclub favorite in the '50s, a TV fixture in the '60s, Reiner's fellow "Dick Van Dyke Show" alum still pops up on TV and in movies

• Jack Carter, 84: Occasionally turns up on TV and in print, but no longer works in stand-up

The elders

• Bill Dana, 82 (turns 83 in two weeks): TV's infamous "Jose Jimenez" is long retired to Nashville and, alas, largely forgotten

• Jonathan Winters, 82: Robin Williams' idol still turns up in print and on TV, but hasn't done stand-up in decades

New arrivals

• Jerry Lewis, 81: As of this past Labor Day weekend, still hanging in there on the stamina-testing telethon front

• Shecky Greene, 81: Still actively performing on the television and Vegas stand-up fronts

• Shelley Berman, 81: Alive and well and active in the movies ("The Holiday") and series TV ("Boston Legal's" Judge Sanders)

• Mel Brooks, 81: Currently purveyor of hit Broadway musical versions of past movie hits ("The Producers," "Young Frankenstein")

• Norm Crosby, 81 (as of six days ago): Still belting out the Borscht Belt malapropisms, most visibly via pal Jerry Lewis' annual Labor Day gig (see above)

• Mort Sahl, 80: The great political satirist is alive and well and skewering the status quo, mainly on the more leisurely lecture circuit

• Jerry Stiller, 80: Ben's old man still turns up in his post-"Seinfeld" years on TV ("King of Queens'" Mr. Spooner) and in movies (the current "Hairspray"). For the record, his wife and partner, Anne Meara, is a mere 77.

What about Bob?

Rickles' longtime best pal, Bob Newhart, still has three years to go before entering the select ranks of the above.

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