FamilyFriday, October 5, 2007 5:06 PM CDT

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Fathers, get ready to open
your hearts — and wallets

By Matt Wixon
The Dallas Morning News (MCT)

The doctor holds up your newborn, and, after months of waiting, you look into your child’s eyes for the first time. The miracle of birth. Wow! You are a father. You are in awe. And you are having trouble feeling your legs, which are getting wobbly as your heart races, your vision begins to go dark and ...

Thankfully, you snap out of it. That’s the true miracle of birth: that only a few dads pass out and become the punch line to their kid’s favorite joke.

After all, a baby is a staggering dose of reality. And there’s nothing in the baby books, which I thoroughly skimmed when I was preparing for fatherhood, that can prepare a dad for the arrival of his bundle of doctor bills.

Wait, I mean bundle of joy. And, yes, a newborn is the most lovable, adorable, saintly bundle of joy in the world. It’s just that as the traditional hunter, a dad’s instinct is to worry about finding a way to pay for everything, from diapers to the moment when his child becomes the most dangerous teenage driver ever.

SCARY THINGS

Yes, there’s a lot to worry about when you’re a parent. Even before the birth. That’s obvious from one chapter of “The Expectant Father,” which lists items that a father-to-be should have on hand to deliver the baby in an emer-gency.

It includes “clean string or shoelaces for tying the umbilical cord.”

Now that’s frightening.

But facing that scenario is rare. And now that my wife and I are expecting our third child, I know I don’t need to load the car with sterile pads, police tape, a bullhorn and salad tongs.

But there are other frightening things about having a baby. Take, for example, the BabyPlus Prenatal Education System.

That’s right, education begins in the womb. My child could be falling behind even before his or her first breath.

Placed on a mom-to-be’s abdomen, the Prenatal Education System plays a series of 16 rhythmic beats that can be heard by the developing baby. According to the product description, BabyPlus “builds upon the natural rhythms of the womb to introduce your unborn child to a sequential learning process.”

A bonus: The child could have a big edge when trying out for drummer in the school band.

I’m not convinced the Prenatal Education System works. However, like my developing baby, I could be in the dark on this issue. There’s no way to know for sure.

NOTHING IS CERTAIN

That’s true with every parenting issue. Nothing is certain, other than people giving you unsolicited advice. You’ll hear “this works for some people,” “you might try this” and “many people believe this is the best way.” But when your baby is screaming at 2 a.m. and can’t be calmed with food, lullabies, a new diaper or a pacifier, there is no one-plus-one-equals-two.

How about a nice, soothing bath for the baby? One parenting book suggests that. It then adds that “some babies find water soothing. Others freak out when they get wet.”

Thanks!

Despite all this, people keep having babies. Despite the worry, despite the frustration, and despite knowing that their children someday will be embarrassed to be seen with them, they enthusiastically become parents.

Men, of course, are part of this. Why?

Well, we like to make stuff. And making a person is the greatest handyman project ever.

No, that’s not why. The real reason comes in the rewards you get from being a father.

It’s in hearing your child say “Daddy” the first time. It’s in seeing your child grow and learn new skills, even if the skill is how to launch himself off the changing table. It’s in every time your child reaches out to hold your hand because he knows you will protect him.

Those are the moments you’ll remember. Not the sleepless nights, the screaming car rides or the times when your “joy” falls over in his chair at a restaurant and sends a piece of pizza flying through the air.

OK, you’ll remember that last one. But that’s a good thing.

If parenting were nothing but a bundle of joys, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.

(c) 2007, The Dallas Morning News.

Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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