COLUMN DIARY, a check of big headlines, small wonders and other highlights:
1. March comes in like a lamb — it’s white (snowy) and the roads are pretty baaaaaa-d ….
2. In a year of already one all-new term – "fiscal cliff" – another is now added — “sequestration.”
3. One Drew Over The Cuckoos Nest: Convicted wife-killing cop Drew Peterson moves to Pontiac prison, but only two days later is transferred again, to Menard, for “safety reasons.”
4. Statewide tornado drill canceled. It’s snowing too much.
5. David Copperfield’s plane bound for NYC fails to levitate properly over Central Illinois and — presto! — after emergency landing, he’s suddenly in Peoria.
6. Baltimore-more-more! QB Joe Flacco inks NFL’s richest contract ever.
7. New study suggests women look their oldest on Wednesdays at 3:30 p.m. Wisely, study is released on a Thursday.
8. Pillsbury’s Poppin’ Fresh Dough Boy turns 53.
9. Everyone else thinks, "Oh boy, I must be getting old, too.”
10. World meets all-new “Odd Couple.” Ruthless North Korean president and ex-Chicago Bulls oddball Dennis Rodman get together to chat, dine, become pals.
11. Medical study suggests that by triggering release of endorphins that are body’s natural painkillers, morning sex can ease nearly a quarter of all bodily aches.
12. No immediate word how many Americans are late for work.
13. Sun rises in West. Hell finally freezes. Barack Obama and “ranking Republicans” get together at White House to dine, talk, have “good time together.”
14. Vatican fills its job opening.
15. North Korea president threatens nuclear weapons against South Korea. Uh, what did Rodman say, anyway?
16. Russian billionaire spends $14.5 million for Adolf Hitler’s 1944 Mercedes-Benz. They’re even cheaper than that now.
17. NCAA pairings unveiled. Everybody back into the pools!
18. Rover finds signs of salt and more water on Mars. Now if it can just find a little vodka, we can at least have a bloody Mary ...
19. Golfer in downstate Waterloo gives new meaning to golfing chant — “Get in the hole!” — and falls into a 30-foot sink hole that suddenly develops on course.
20. Spring arrives at 15 degrees — coincidentally, 25 degrees colder than first day of winter.
21. Rod Blagojevich teaching history at Colorado prison. No word what happens when he gets to the chapter about questionable government practices in history.
22. Court gives back New Yorkers’ sovereign right to gulp down tanker-sized sugary sodas.
23. America's most famous institute of higher learning, Harvard, even wins a first-ever NCAA basketball tourney game, too!
24. Pregnant Weather Channel meteorologist breaks water while at work. Now that’s the kind of precip you just don’t expect.
25. Nine more inches of snow. Punxsutawney Phil dodges more calls for his retirement.
26. Nine people still in their robes begin listening to Supreme Court arguments on same-sex marriage.
27. Released by Bears, Brian Urlacher cleans out his locker.
28. Car that runs on coffee introduced. And you thought just a gasoline fill-up was expensive.
29. For $30 million to Yahoo, 17-year-old sells a cellphone app that takes stories out of newspapers and condenses them into just two or three sentences.
30. This is only one sentence.
31. Wichita State, a team that ISU nearly beat, to play Louisville, a team that ISU nearly beat, in Final Four match-up of And-To-Think-ISU-Somehow-Only-Ended-Up-At-18-15 NCAA semi-final clash in Atlanta, Ga.
Bill Flick is at firstname.lastname@example.org