FLICK FLAK, random thoughts on perfume samples, gym shoes, blondes at the ballpark and other such deep life obsessions:
• Ever noticed, thanks to big sales, great deals and double-couponing, you can now successfully go home, having spent $200 instead of $100, because you saved so much money?
• Newest doctor’s advice: “Take two aspirin and see me after the `Obamacare’ debate is settled.”
• Are you like me, hoping Hollywood’s ultra-eccentric John Malkovich (and a Benton native) will eventually ask his phone on that iPhone commercial: “Siri, is it odd I went to college in a town called Normal?”
• Ever noticed TV cameras are addicted to blondes at ballparks?
• Whatever happened to Roland Burris? (He took Barack Obama’s Illinois Senate seat, remember?)
• Central Illinois look-alikes: Pantagraph Regional Editor Gary Sawyer and Willis Kern, of WGLT radio. (Suggested by the Rev. Joe Culpepper, of Bloomington, and Jason Taylor, of Colfax).
• Another thing to suddenly be no more: stamps you have to lick.
• Is it just me or are TV weather-people Al Roker and Stephanie Abrams just too perky first thing in the morning when all you really want to know is if it’s going to rain or be really hot?
• How can a bird sit on the same wire that would electrocute us?
• Four more pet peeves, as collected by your friendly neighborhood peeve collector:
— Drivers with dogs in their laps.
— Gas station “conspirators,” changing the price of gas when their neighbors do.
— Police who man radar a lot but then never seem to direct traffic after big events, like a big basketball game or concert.
— Airlines with all their fees. Now, on some flights, it even costs extra just to sit together.
• Whatever happened to Louie Anderson, the comedian?
• Are they still called gym shoes now that everyone wears them everywhere else?
• Flock flak
— “If Country Companies were to insure the Canada geese that hang out on their lawn, would they have to become American citizens first?” (Nancy J. Miller, Bloomington)
— “If the Chicago Cubs’ rookie catcher, Bryan Lalli, hits a pop-up for a out, is that a `Lalli pop’?” (Dave Weber, Pontiac)
— “I got tired of phone solicitations from `The Weed Man’ so I finally placed an order for an ounce of Acapulco Gold. I'm still waiting for its delivery.” (Bob Papp, Normal)
• How is it, on TV and in the movies, the bad guys drive like complete idiots but never get pulled over for that?
• Sometimes I can barely take the smell of my own magazines — like an Esquire or Vanity Fair — when they have all those cologne and/or perfume samples in the fold-out-to-sniff inserts. So what must the post office smell like on that day, too, when it gets thousands of them?
• Would Ronald Reagan stand a chance of being elected today?
• Finally, with no snow to plow last winter and now no grass to mow this summer, my heavens — just what did the outdoor maintenance folk do to deserve this?
Bill Flick is at email@example.com