The pediatrician's phone number rolls off his tongue. And he knows what size boots his 7-year-old daughter wears because he followed her around the mall when she was shopping for them.

Fading photos of his three children rest on his credenza. There's the oldest, celebrating a birthday, a swaddled newborn and a wide-eyed toddler.

Jay Weisman jumps up and apologizes for how outdated the photos are.

But he just hasn't had the time.

If it's not parent-teacher conferences, it's gymnastics and choir practice, and occasionally somebody needs cupcakes. Mornings are no better. After his wife, Brandy, rushes out the door for her 12-hour nursing shift, he gets the kids up, pours the juice, butters the pancakes, zips and buttons and brushes before snapping seatbelts and heading out.

As his co-workers are winding down in the late afternoon, he's getting ready for his second shift with Maddisyn, 7, Mason, 5, and Makinley, 2.

Meet the new breed of father, the fully involved dad who doles out medicine as easily as dads in the '60s handed down discipline. In 1965, 60 percent of all children lived in families with a breadwinner father and stay-at-home mom. Now only 30 percent do.

Male baby boomers broke the mold by picking up the diaper bag but Generation X dads, those between the ages of 26 and 40, are picking up the pace, signing school permission slips, running to piano lessons and stopping at the store on the way home. Web sites like www.dadlabs.com are trying to help, dishing out advice on everything from strollers to juice boxes.

"Dads are doing a lot more nurturing," said Kevin Krippner, a licensed clinical psychologist with Twin Cities Behavioral Health in Normal. "You never used to see changing tables in the men's room."

Enlightened dads are wanting it all, careers and time with the kids, and they're feeling stressed but they may be stepping it up out of necessity, with more single dads and women in the workforce.

Couples today are doing a better job of negotiating parenting duties, Krippner said, and moms can help by making a list and negotiating, rather than assigning, jobs.

New dads may be tentative but Krippner's advice is to dive in.

"It's trial and error. As long as you're involved, there's really no wrong way to do it. Good things are going to happen. It's going to improve the chances that you have a healthy, well-adjusted child."

Moms haven't cut back on the time they spend on child care; it's still about 3.3 hours a day. But dads are contributing 2.7 hours a day, up nearly 50 percent between 1977 and a 2002 study by the Families and Work Institute in New York, which tracks family trends. What parents are sacrificing is time for themselves.

Today's dads are looking for flexible employers and may be less naïve than boomers when it comes to the rewards of work and sacrifice for an employer. One benefit they don't want to miss out on is their relationship with the kids.

When Weisman was growing up, his father was a typical breadwinner who worked overtime when he needed to.

"Whenever we needed extra money for a car, money for college, he was there," he said.

And his dad still made it to his games, although he didn't show up as early as his stay-at-home mom.

"She'd beat the bus," he said. "It was embarrassing."

When the 31-year-old accounts payable supervisor leaves work at 4 p.m. to pick up his kids, he takes his laptop so he can work on e-mails when they're tucked in. Evenings are the toughest.

"You're tired yourself and they want some time. Even the dog wants attention."

He feels sorry for his wife who, because of her long shifts and 30-mile commute, sometimes doesn't arrive home until the kids are already in bed.

"I get evenings with them, I get weekends. I'm there during play time. She misses out on a lot of that. When she's home, we're either getting them up or getting them ready for bed."

When dads are involved, the payoffs are big, with research showing it can boost kids' grades, improve behavior and increase the chances they'll be involved in extracurricular activities. And the role modeling benefits the next generation.

"They become better parents because they see this shared responsibility and that's what they start to expect in their relationships," Krippner said.

Steven Kossman of Normal has worked with troubled kids for 36 years. As director of Probation & Court Services of Peoria County, he sees first-hand the impact of a positive male role model.

"We didn't come out of the womb wonderful people," he said. "We were helped to form and all too often, in the business I'm in, kids don't have that nurturing environment. A family with two parents, a mom and dad, do better. When we try to pretend there isn't a difference, we're kidding ourselves."

Suzanne Bianchi, a University of Maryland sociology professor, has studied thousands of diaries to figure out how families spend their days. While women are spending as much time with their children as they did 40 years ago, she found child care and household chores performed by dads has sharply increased since the mid '80s.

"Some have said maybe they're just skimming off more of the fun stuff. But one of the things we show is no, dads are doing more of all stuff, including basic care."

But dads still shoulder the role of provider, said Bianchi, one of the authors of "Changing Rhythms of American Family Life," published in September.

"Dads still feel that a way that they invest in their children is through providing. That doesn't go away."

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Getting involved

Here are some ways dad can get involved:

• Make the dentist and doctor appointments; check the backpack before the kids leave in the morning; provide lunch money and sign permission slips.

• Get to know child-care providers and teachers.

• Volunteer at school, visit the child care center and go along on a field trip.

• Remember that the small, daily rituals are as important as the occasional big events.

• Earn the right to be heard. All too often the only time a father speaks to his children is when they have done something wrong. Take time and listen to their ideas and problems.

• Discipline with love. All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits. Remind them of the consequences of their actions and provide meaningful rewards for desirable behavior. Fathers who discipline in a calm and fair manner show love.

• Be a role model. A girl who spends time with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect and knows what to look for in a spouse. Fathers can teach sons what's important by demonstrating honesty, humility and responsibility.

• Share meals together. It's a good time to listen, give advice and just connect.

• Read to them.

• Show your affection every day. Give hugs.

SOURCES: National Fatherhood Initiative, University of Illinois