SPECIAL 'PINK' SECTION BLOOMINGTON - Matt Tracy is emphatic that he was not his wife's caregiver when she battled breast cancer from December through June. "When I hear the word 'caregiver,' I think of someone taking care of a decrepit person who uses a bed pan," said Tracy, 39, as he sat next to his wife, Jacki, in their Bloomington home. | Pink profiles: Going to be fine | No wimps allowed | God by her side | His story | Technology improves chances, treatment | Health page

"Jacki wasn't like that. Even though she had cancer, she was strong and didn't need 24/7 care. I just found out where she needed help and stepped up.

"I was her support person."

A support person for a 40-year-old, working mother with breast cancer has to find "a new normal," Matt Tracy said. The new normal involves putting yourself second and figuring out when to step up and do something that you haven't done before. It means learning when to back off to let your wife do what her energy level allows. It is knowing when to ask a relative or friend for help.

It's also learning to be happy in the present and fully appreciating every member of the family.

"Jacki was one of those supermoms," Matt said. "She worked out first thing in the morning, got home in time to get the boys off to school, worked all day, came home and took care of the bills and shopping.

"She did everything around here. I knew she did a lot but I have no idea how much. I realized we were lost without her running the show. I had to step up and do things that I probably should have been doing already.

"I got the boys going in the morning and organized the car pools. I did the grocery shopping. I bought the Christmas and birthday presents. I sat around with the moms (at their children's activities).

"I did those things but didn't do them as well."

Matt and Jacki have been married for 10 years. Their family includes Jacki's son, Zach Werner, 15, and their son Dylan Tracy, 6.

The couple works for State Farm Insurance Cos. - Jacki is a project manager in the purchasing department and Matt is a manager in the systems department.

Before Jacki's breast cancer diagnosis, the family was "in a great place," Matt said. "We were healthy, the kids were great, our jobs were good, we had a good relationship."

"Our family was a real fitness-oriented family," Matt said. The family member who most defined himself as fit was Matt.

"Going to the gym was a priority (for me)," he said. Matt exercised for 90 minutes four times a week, doing weight lifting and cardiovascular exercise after work.

Jacki also exercised four times a week and ate healthy, too.

That began to change in September 2007 when Jacki experienced a pain in her right breast one day for about 20 minutes. When she had her annual exam with her obstetrician/gynecologist a month later, he thought she may have a cyst. But when he tried to drain the area, nothing happened.

Next, she met with a surgeon, who got out nothing but blood.

"I was under 40 at that time, in perfect health, I ate well and worked out. I wasn't worried," she recalled.

In mid-November, she had a mammogram and something was visible. On Nov. 30, Dr. John Esch performed a biopsy and on Dec. 4, Jacki and Matt met with him to discuss the results.

"He came in and said 'It's not good news. It's cancer,'" Jacki recalled. "And he sat down with us and talked with us for 30 minutes. He said it was invasive ductal carcinoma (the most prevalent type of breast cancer) and I needed surgery and chemotherapy.

"I was in shock. I truly deep down in my heart and soul and gut didn't think it was cancer. I was trembling and instantly thinking about what this would mean to the family and the kids. I remember him (Esch) talking and it was like when adults talk in the Charlie Brown movies: I heard 'wa, wa, wa, chemo, surgery.' It was muffled."

Matt was devastated. "To me, it was crushing."

The next step, testing at the Community Cancer Center, was surreal to Matt.

"There were people of all ages waiting like they were waiting for regular doctor appointments," Matt said. "People were sitting there and talking and joking with each other and I thought 'How could you laugh at a time like this?'

"I didn't get it. But six months later, we would be the ones there cracking jokes."

On Dec. 21, Jacki had another lumpectomy and doctors concluded that the cancer had spread to a lymph node.

During the next month, Jacki spent several nights in the hospital as she battled complications from her surgery.

"We spent a lot of last winter in the hospital," Matt recalled. "I told my friends 'Every Friday night, Jacki and I are staying in a $1,000-a-night room.'"

Then Jacki began chemotherapy, which was one three-hour treatment every three weeks at the cancer center. She had six treatments. She also needed an intravenous Herceptin treatment once a week.

Jacki worked sporadically in December and January. When chemo began, she took off the week after chemo because she was too sick and fatigued to work. She worked the other two weeks but the second week she returned from work exhausted.

"Jacki had managed the house and the schedule," Matt recalled. Now she didn't have the physical or mental energy to do that.

Matt and Jacki met with Zach and Dylan and explained that they needed to step up. Zach was expected to help Dylan as well as take care of himself.

Dylan had to get himself dressed and get his own breakfast in the morning, to give himself a bath and change himself at night and to help with the family dog, Cali.

"I felt guilty that Dylan had to grow up so quickly," Jacki recalled. "I remember missing a chorus concert at Northpoint (his elementary school) and I just cried." When he got home that night, he came to Jacki's bedside and sang to her.

Matt made dinner, did the dishes, did the carpooling and the grocery shopping.

"I hated grocery shopping," he admitted. "I couldn't find anything at Wal-Mart. It would just take hours." Family members and friends brought by a lot of meals, which helped.

Matt's workouts went by the wayside. Instead, he spent that 90 minutes or more driving the kids around, helping Dylan with his homework or shopping.

"I can't remember the last time I worked out," he said recently. "I don't like feeling unhealthy. But I had different priorities."

He gained about 35 pounds. But he also gained something else: a closer relationship with his family.

"I enjoyed - and still enjoy - spending time with the boys. I enjoyed it more than the stuff I used to do on my own."

"He did very well," Jacki said. "He stepped up. We had bumpy times at the beginning. We had to find that new normal."

When asked how Jacki's battle with cancer affected their relationship, Matt needed a minute to compose himself.

"I love Jacki more than anything. She is the most important person in my life. I knew I loved her but the past year made it so much deeper."

Jacki agreed. "It brought us closer. We appreciate each other a ton more. We take time to sit and spend time together in the evening.

"This (cancer) wasn't something we wanted but it brought everyone closer," she said. "Everybody appreciated everybody more."

On June 11, Jacki had a mastectomy with reconstruction of the right breast. "I feel great," she said, but knows there are no guarantees.

"We don't know what tomorrow will bring but she has no cancer today so we'll live every day to the fullest," Matt said.

Jacki returned to work full-time on Aug. 8 and is taking back some - but not all - of the household responsibilities.

"It's more of a partnership," Matt said. "It's not a checklist. It's how it's supposed to be."

Jacki has given Matt the OK to resume his workouts. Matt wants to lose 40 pounds and knows he will return to the gym sometime.

"I thought about it a lot. In the whole grand scheme of things, it (working out) was just not important," he said.

"It's a new normal," Jacki said. "I'm more relaxed than I've ever been."

"I don't need to be with Jacki on a beach in Hawaii drinking a Mai Tai," Matt said. "I can sit on the couch, watching the Cubs with her and be happy. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."