BLOOMINGTON - Robin Folks knows the risks children take by disclosing their sexual orientation to other students at school. "My daughter was called names, cursed at, tripped and had her hair pulled" at a school in Tennessee before moving to McLean County, said Folks. | ABOUT THE DIVERSITY PROJECT: Student reporters, real stories | BUSINESSES: State Farm finds profit in diversity | FAITH: Church reactions to gays vary | SCHOOLS: Forum offers resources

Folks organized a support group for students who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender in Tennessee, and she now supervises the Open Door Youth Center in downtown Bloomington, a meeting place for LGBT students here.

"It is wrong for kids to lock themselves up in the closet," said Folks.

But for many students, there are issues that must be considered before they make such a personal disclosure. What are the risks for being yourself when you are LGBT, they wonder?

For Mathew Clark, the risks of being a young gay student meant physical abuse by his peers starting in fourth grade.

"I got harassed, beaten up, pushed around and called all kinds of slurs. They would say all sorts of horrible things for the wrong reasons," said Clark, now a student at Parkside Junior High School in Normal.

Jordan Becker was in junior high when her sexual orientation became an issue. Her life changed dramatically when other students found out she was a lesbian. She went from focusing on friends and fun, to trying to commit suicide at school.

Pressure is on

Clark, Becker and others interviewed by students from The McLean County Diversity Project said they felt pressure from several directions in making their decision to live openly as an LGBT person. The pressures come from different sources - family, church and peers. Some students asked to remain anonymous because they fear harassment at school; others have not told their families that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

Chelsie Wilber, a freshman at Normal Community West High School, first shared information about her sexual orientation with her best friend. The friend's positive reaction gave Wilber the confidence to tell other people, including her family.

Wilber said she is grateful her fears were unfounded. "I was most afraid to tell my parents because I was afraid that they wouldn't approve and they would try to change me."

Wilber didn't have the same response at school. She recalls the beginning of the current school year when her peers called her derogatory terms or gave her dirty looks. Wilber said she ignored the harassment and things have improved.

Things don't get better for students at every school, where insulting remarks in the hallways can be a part of everyday life.

"There's not a day that goes by when I have not heard the word 'faggot,' " said a junior at Normal Community High School, adding walking away from such comments is easier than standing up for your beliefs.

"I don't want the attention or to create a scene. It's too much of a hassle. I hate it, but I'd rather put up with it than deal with it," he said.

Becker has no regrets about the hard times she endured.

"It's not easy coming out at the age of 14, but I don't regret what I went through," she said.

Becker started the Gay Straight Student Alliance at Normal West. Being open about sexual orientation has made her a stronger person, she said, and helped the school district acknowledge that issues exist involving LGBT students.

Leaving Unit 5 will be hard for Becker, who said she feels accepted by the students and faculty at the school.

"I'm not looking forward to leaving high school. It's been one of the best experiences of my life," she said.

Waiting to tell

It wasn't as easy for the Tom Stark family, who struggled to accept the news that he was gay, a disclosure he made after going to college.

The oldest of six children from a family in Downs, Stark said he knew it would not be easy to discuss the sensitive issue with his close-knit, religious family.

Stark, now 28, said most of his family has overcome their reservations and come to realize that he is still the same person.

"There is always the one person, though, that has to throw a wrench in things to prevent you from saying, 'Everyone was OK with it,' and I have experienced that. One aunt told me that I needed to make sure that I wasn't around children so that I wouldn't be tempted to do things with them. She has since taken that comment back. Again, she just needed to understand that gay does not equal pedophile," said Stark.

Stark's family also had difficulties accepting his relationship with a partner.

"My parents initially stated that they would never meet someone that I was dating. I knew that this was the shock of telling them." Stark said his family's attitude was hurtful, but "I had to understand where the comment was coming from. Then I had to do what I could to help my parents work through it."

When Stark and his partner had a commitment ceremony, his siblings attended, but his parents did not. Later on, his mother attended the reception.

Stark's only sister, Chelsea, said, "Our parents say that they only see George (his partner) as Tom's roommate and won't see them as a couple. But we all get him gifts for Christmas and celebrate his birthday. He's just part of the family."

One student at West, who asked to remain anonymous, said she is planning to wait until she goes off to college to tell her parents.

"Both my parents are strongly religious. They believe that being a homosexual is a sin. I'm still a Christian, but I have different ideas," she said.

Finding support

Some parents accept their child's orientation but worry about safety at school and other places.

The mother of an NCHS freshman, who asked not to be identified, said her family is comfortable with her son being gay, but she has concerns about him making a widespread disclosure. Headlines about violence against gay students cannot be overlooked, she said.

Her son finds support through the school's Gay Straight Student Alliance. "The GSA has been great. When I came out in December, I felt alone," said the student.

More activities for LGBT students can help them feel less alone - like the recent Alternative Prom held at the Unitarian Church in Bloomington.

Educators also must step in when discriminatory remarks are made by students and be aware of insulting language, said District 87 teacher Suzie Hutton.

"Anti-gay bullying is bullying," said Hutton.

Deborah Curtis, Dean of the College of Education at Illinois State University, said students who do not agree with LGBT views have a right to express their opinions "as long as they do it a way that's not offensive or creates discrimination."

Stark just attended his 10-year high school reunion with his partner. He said that everyone was very open and accepting of their relationship.

Stark said that he has a close relationship with many of his friends. "It was just one more thing they got to know about me. They saw it as an additional trait, like the color of my eyes. It doesn't define me as a person, and it isn't who I am. It is just another part of me."

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LGBT defined

The following are definitions commonly used to explain the acronym LGBT:

• Lesbian refers to women who are homosexual, attracted to other women.

• Gay, or homosexual, refers to people whose sexual or romantic feelings are mostly for the same gender.

• Bisexual refers to people whose sexual or romantic feelings are for both genders.

• Transgender refers to someone whose gender identity or expression differs from conventional expectations for their physical sex. Transgender people may be straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.

SOURCE: Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

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Editor's note

For several months, The Pantagraph and the McLean County Diversity Project have been involved in a joint project exploring the experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students.

Project members Madison Roberts, a student at Tri-Valley High School in Downs, Steven Davis from Normal Community West High School and Manish Mandava, a student at Normal Community High School, worked with Pantagraph reporter Edith Brady-Lunny. The students interviewed LGBT students and parents and attended a forum sponsored by the Central Illinois Safe Schools Alliance. They also conducted research into challenges facing LGBT students.

The students worked together to write the accompanying story on the consequences of revealing one's sexual orientation. Related stories in today's Money and Values sections address variations of that theme.

Diversity Project director Jeff Schwartz encourages students to explore and accept the differences among people. Students are required to complete individual and group projects to qualify for trips that "create unique learning opportunities that cultivate self-awareness, self-confidence and leadership skills in our scholars," said Schwartz, who also is mayor of Downs.

The McLean County Diversity Project Web site is www.mcleancountydiversity.org.