BLOOMINGTON - In the aftermath of divorce, the process of deciding how to share the children can create lengthy court battles and leave emotional scars that never heal. | Causes of death due Friday

"Some parents put everything aside from the beginning and realize they have to get on with the business of raising their kids," family law attorney Stephanie Scoles said. "For others, it happens halfway through the divorce when they put their heads back on their shoulders and realize these are adult situations and we need to work something out."

Police believe Michael Connolly, 40, of Bloomington, abducted his sons, Duncan and Jack Connolly of LeRoy, and then apparently killed them and himself after a divorce and legal disputes that spanned at least three years.

Connolly initially was ordered to have supervised visits with the children, but in November a judge agreed that the visits could be unsupervised. Connolly failed to return the boys March 8 after one such visit; all three were found dead Sunday in rural Putnam County.

During the supervised visits, the boys met their father at The Children's Foundation in Bloomington, where a staff person monitored their visits. The facility no longer offers supervised visitation because of budget cuts.

The agency still offers a supervised exchange program that provides parents a neutral place to drop off and pick up their children.

The majority of parents are cooperative at the exchange site, said Lisa Pieper, regional vice president of The Children's Foundation.

"Most parents are thrilled to see their kids. Their issues are usually with their former partner or spouse, not the children," said Pieper.

For parents involved in divorce proceedings who cannot agree on issues relating to their children, such as vacation schedules or house rules, mediation is required in Illinois and can be helpful.

"Mediation is an alternative to the court system. It doesn't work in all cases, but it can give parents a chance to talk and to focus on their kids," said Bloomington attorney Don Hammer.

The legal process can be further complicated when orders of protection prohibit one parent from contact with the other. It is frequently the case that child visitation remains in place despite the protective order involving the parents.

Such was the case with the Connollys.

A judge may change the visitation rules if threats or allegations of abuse have been made. In general, Scoles said she discourages parents from obtaining orders of protection in divorce cases unless serious harassment and physical abuse has occurred.

"The whole family is in transition and divorce can be a pressure cooker. But I tell people to try to be healthy, be encouraging. That's important for the children," said Scoles.