All right, everybody. It’s Christmas Eve, time to lift our hearts and sing together an ancient carol that relies on what’s called cumulative lyrics. You know the tune. The words, however, may be unfamiliar:

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Two renewed nuke plants and Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Seven TIFs a-waiting, six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Eight lame ducks a-dealing, seven TIFs a-waiting, six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Nine months of stalling, eight lame ducks a-dealing, seven TIFs a-waiting, six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Ten tax abatements, nine months of stalling, eight lame ducks a-dealing, seven TIFs a-waiting, six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Eleven voters venting, ten tax abatements, nine months of stalling, eight lame ducks a-dealing, seven TIFs a-waiting, six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And Portillo’s on Landmark Drive.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: twelve prompt Unit 5 buses, eleven voters venting, ten tax abatements, nine months of stalling, eight lame ducks a-dealing, seven TIFs a-waiting, six Russians hacking, five mayoral candidates! Four stores at The Foundry, three Illini grid wins, two renewed nuke plants. And (loudly now): a Portillo’s on Landmark Drive!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Vogel, of rural Bloomington, can be reached at vogelgraph@yahoo.com.

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