FLICK LITE. Our latest listings, as offered by the readers and your own resident Lite Boy:
Newest "OK, just how spoiled are we?" nominee
On sale at Home Depot these days: "Cachet nightlight toilet seats, with soft-glow LED lights for night use” ... so that you “no longer have to grope through the dark to find the toilet seat."
Latest greatest bumper snicker
As read the license-plate frame on a Buick Verano, spotted along Main in Normal:
Latest unfortunate hyphenation
When the hyphen ended up in an awkward place in a recent LifeSpan memorial service announcement in Central Illinois that involved a cremation, it split the word “LifeSpan” into “LifeS-pan.”
Just a bit too visual perhaps, whispered one observer.
Best Name Club
-- Adam Driver. He’s a salesman at Dennison Auto Center in Bloomington.
-- Summer Starr. She was in the golf results of this newspaper recently.
-- Chris Blewitt. He’s a field goal and extra-point kicker at University of Pittsburgh.
-- Mosi Secret. She’s been named at the New York Times as its new “Sex and Vice Reporter.”
Most appropriate coincidence
In Normal, on a huge sign in northbound lanes of Veterans Parkway that welcomes shoppers to such stores as Menards and Sam’s Club, is another announcement on the sign that promotes real-estate possibilities in the area and reads:
“WE SELL LOTS”
Or, as recently mused Sam Harrod, a shopper from Eureka: “Isn’t that what places like Menards and Sam’s do already?”
Latest example of Canada that isn’t Canada anymore, either
If you check the side of a can of Canada Dry, you’ll notice it’s made in … Plano, Texas.
Newest great motto
Sign at a brake shop in Bourbonnais:
You have free articles remaining.
"We stand in front of our work"
Five More Fun Places To Visit, If Only For Their Names
(As offered by the readers:)
-- Alligator, Miss.
-- Shortsville, Pa.
-- Hometown, Ill.
-- Wankers Corner Saloon & Café, in Wilsonville. Ore.
In one Sunday flier recently was an encouragement for shoppers at a certain store to "Go Paperless!" and download its coupons to save on paper and "help save the environment!"
Coincidentally, just below that was a back-to-school sale notice on posterboard, index cards, legal pads, notebooks, portfolios, dividers and construction paper.
Another song whose title is just too long
Eric Reichter of Normal was riding to work the other morn, listening to his SiriusXM radio as the song "Build Me Up Buttercup" came on and, accordingly, its title flashed up on the screen of his car radio.
Unfortunately, there is only room for the first 16 letters of a song's title on such screens. Thus, as Eric looked down, it read, "Build Me Up Butt."
Newest threat in Illinois
"New research finds Illinois at high risk for earquakes"
At least, that's how the lead headline in a Livingston County shopper read the other day.
Worst line break
In a recent story in one area newspaper about a 6-3, 230-pound Navy SEAL trying to earn a spot on the Northwestern University football team, the line broke so that it instead read he was a 3230-pound Navy SEAL.
Nah, that's a hippopotamus.
Got an item for Lite? Send to: Flick Lite, 301 W. Washington St., Bloomington, 61702, or by e-mail.
Our September board of contributors:
Gary Dreher, Chenoa; Ron Bacon, Mackinaw; Rose Robeson, El Paso; Sam Harrod, Eureka; Susan Blystone, Terri Ryburn, Cathy Ferme, Roger Hughes and R.C. Young, Normal; Tom Harrell, Joe Deacon, Doug Dirr, Lee Templeton, Ruthie Cobb and Michael Stanton, Bloomington; Charleen Miller, Burnsville, Minn.