Now that Donald Trump has commandeered our national Fourth of July celebration, we have compiled a suggestion list of other holidays he might appropriate.
Arbor Day springs to mind. Clearly, this is an under-celebrated occasion on which many Americans don’t even get off from work. Trump could change that and turn it into a meaningful diatribe against druids, a day on which Americans put tiny brass plaques on all the trees noting that they were on this Earth during the Trump reign, or presidency.
Trump came into office vowing that on Christmas everyone would say “Merry Christmas!” Not the more inclusive “Happy Holidays!” Or “Sentiments of the Season!” Obviously, we need a Trump-led campaign, with Trump’s face superimposed on all Santa Claus images throughout the land.
Labor Day celebrates America’s working men and women. At the front of every Labor Day parade this year, before the many presidential candidates join in as the traditional start of the presidential election cycle, there should be a man on stilts dressed as Trump. All the schoolchildren will throw dollar bills at the stick figure and ex-White House aides will collect them for a charity to be determined later.
Trump may not know what Cinco de Mayo is all about. But he famously once celebrated it in his office by eating a taco bowl. The relatively new tradition of bashing a Trump-like piñata will be discouraged.
April 15 is notoriously known as Tax Day. Trump keeps reminding us that he gave us the “biggest tax cut in history” even though that is not true. April 15 will be a joyful tribute to Trump as benefactor to Americans’ coffers.
Thanksgiving, the personal favorite of many Americans, has turned into a day of eating too much and celebrating the beginnings of the nation and the spirit of generosity and gratitude that schoolchildren are taught was the spirit of the First Thanksgiving. Trump can take it over as a day when we not only kill a record number of turkeys but thank him for all he has done for the world.
Trump has a penchant for elaborate, off-the-top celebrations of his birthday. Clearly, June 14 should forever be known as Wear Your Red MAGA Hat Day, even though they are made in China and will cost 25 percent more.
Trump could also take over the observance of National Wear Red Day on Feb. 1 as his own. One the other hand, May 1 is Loyalty Day, which greatly appeals to him.
October 16 is dedicated to the Boss. Springsteen, eat your heart out.